Key Points
- Biblical peace does not require Christians to agree with everyone or compromise God’s truth.
- Spiritual maturity includes learning which conflicts require courage and which offenses can simply be overlooked.
- Security in Christ frees us from needing to win every argument or force another person to accept our convictions.
- Christians are called to defend truth with gentleness and respect rather than anger, intimidation, or hostility.
- Trusting God’s sovereignty allows us to speak faithfully and then leave another person’s response in His hands.
At 117 years old, Ethel Caterham has lived long enough to see the world change in ways most of us can hardly imagine.
Born in 1909, she lived through two world wars, enormous technological advances, cultural upheaval, and more than a century of ordinary human disagreements. Recognized by Guinness World Records as the world’s oldest living person, Caterham became the first verified British person to reach 117 when she celebrated her birthday on August 21, 2026.
Over the years, Caterham has offered simple advice about living well. When asked about the secret to her longevity, she offered this memorable response: “Never arguing with anyone, I listen and I do what I like.”
There is something almost humorous about that last part. She listens. She doesn’t argue. But apparently, she doesn’t simply surrender her own mind, either.
We cannot know how much such an attitude has contributed to Caterham’s extraordinary longevity. Genetics, circumstances, habits, and God’s providence make simplistic conclusions impossible. But her words raise a question worth considering whether we live to 117 or considerably less:
Do we really need to fight every battle that comes our way?
What Does It Mean to “Live at Peace with Everyone”?
The apostle Paul wrote, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). I am struck by the realism of that verse.
Paul doesn’t say peace will always be possible. He doesn’t tell us to agree with everyone around us, nor does he suggest that truth should be sacrificed simply to keep everyone happy. Instead, he gives us responsibility for our part: as far as it depends on you.
I cannot control another person’s words, attitude, beliefs, or response. I can control whether I add fuel to the fire. I can choose whether I must have the final word. I can decide whether every disagreement deserves my energy—or whether wisdom sometimes calls me to listen, remain gentle, and walk away.
That isn’t weakness.
Sometimes it takes considerably more strength to refuse an argument than to win one.
How Do Christians Know Which Battles Are Worth Fighting?
Scripture never presents peace as passivity. Jesus spoke truth boldly. He confronted hypocrisy, defended those who were mistreated, and never compromised truth simply because His words might make someone uncomfortable.
Yet Jesus also did not answer every accusation.
When Herod questioned Him at length, hoping to see Him perform a sign, Jesus “gave him no answer” (Luke 23:9). His silence was not cowardly. Jesus knew who He was, what His Father had sent Him to accomplish, and which voices did—and did not—deserve an answer.
Perhaps that is part of the wisdom many of us need today.
We live in a culture that gives us nearly unlimited opportunities to disagree. A news story, a social media post, a family conversation, or even an innocent comment can quickly become another invitation to take sides. We may begin by defending a conviction and discover somewhere along the way that we are actually defending our pride.
Proverbs tells us, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11).
There are truths worth defending. There are injustices that require us to speak. There are conversations love will not allow us to avoid. But there are also offenses we can overlook. Spiritual maturity may be found, in part, in learning the difference.
Why Does Security in Christ Free Us from Needing to Win?
Why is it sometimes so difficult to let another person disagree with us?
When someone’s ideas run contrary to our own, we may feel an almost immediate need to respond—to correct the record, prove our point, or gain the upper hand. When the issue involves something we deeply believe, silence may even feel like surrender.
But security changes the way we respond.
Being secure in who we are—and, more importantly, whose we are—gives us the freedom to respect another person’s ability to make a choice without pretending that every choice is equally true or wise.
As Christians, we want people to know the truth. We want them to know Christ. We want their choices to lead toward life and peace. Sometimes love requires us to speak clearly and courageously. But there is a difference between faithfully presenting the truth and trying to force another person to accept it.
Jesus never coerced people into following Him. He taught. He invited. He warned. He loved. And when people rejected what He offered, He sometimes allowed them to walk away.
We cannot force another heart toward truth through intimidation, harsh words, anger, or physical force. Those methods may produce outward compliance for a time, but they cannot produce inward conviction.
Perhaps our willingness to fight for the upper hand sometimes reveals something about our own security. If I know who I belong to, I don’t have to win every argument.
But neither do I need to retreat from truth.
How Can Christians Defend Truth Without Becoming Adversarial?
Peter gives us that balance. First, he tells believers, “In your hearts revere Christ as Lord.” Then he tells them to “always be prepared to give an answer” for the hope they possess. And finally, he tells them how: “with gentleness and respect” (1 Peter 3:15).
There is nothing timid about that kind of faith.
We can speak clearly about what God has said. We can share the good news of Jesus Christ. We can stand firmly on biblical truth even when it is unpopular or blatantly disregarded.
Even in an ordinary conversation, when someone casually takes the name of Jesus in vain, we don’t have to respond with anger or embarrassment—or remain silent. We can simply say, “He’s a personal friend of mine.” A gentle response can honor the name of Jesus without dishonoring the person who spoke carelessly.
That is the strength Peter describes: conviction without combativeness.
Gentleness does not require silence, and respect does not require agreement.
When Christ is secure on the throne of our hearts, we don’t need to overpower others to prove our convictions are true. We can speak boldly without becoming aggressive. We can defend truth without attacking the person who rejects it.
And after we have spoken faithfully, we can leave the response in God’s hands.
How Does Love Change the Way Christians Handle Conflict?
Peter offers another instruction only a chapter later: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).
Love does not require us to call wrong right. It does not ask us to abandon discernment or ignore serious harm. But love gives us the grace to refuse to make every wrong a battleground.
In fact, love runs underneath everything we have considered.
We speak the truth because we care about the person hearing it. We speak with humility because that person bears God’s image. And we trust God because only He can do the work in another heart that no argument, however persuasive, can accomplish.
Biblical peacemaking, then, is not the avoidance of every confrontation. It is refusing to make an enemy of the person we confront.
Why Does Trusting God’s Sovereignty Change Our Arguments?
Isaiah gives us a breathtaking picture of God’s authority: “Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool” (Isaiah 66:1). What security there is in remembering that.
God’s truth does not become less true because someone rejects it. His authority does not diminish because someone refuses to acknowledge it. And His purposes do not depend upon my ability to win an argument.
God is still on His throne.
That truth changes the way we enter disagreement. One day, Christ’s Kingdom will fully rule and reign. Until then, we are not called to establish His Kingdom through force, but to represent our King faithfully—with truth, courage, humility, gentleness, and peace.
Perhaps that is one of the quiet strengths behind a peaceable life:
When we are secure in the One who reigns, we no longer need to win every room.
What Would a Peaceable Life Look Like This Week?
Most of us will not be called upon this week to settle an international dispute or defend our faith before a hostile crowd. Our opportunities to pursue peace will probably be much more ordinary.
Someone may make a comment at dinner that rubs us the wrong way. A friend may hold an opinion we cannot understand. A family member may make a decision we wish we could change. We may read something online that makes our fingers immediately reach for the keyboard.
In those moments, perhaps the first question is not: “How can I prove that I am right?”
Maybe it is, Lord. “What would faithfulness look like here?”
Sometimes faithfulness will mean speaking. Truth matters too much for Christians to become silent simply because speaking might be uncomfortable. There are moments when love requires courage, and silence would leave something important unsaid.
But sometimes faithfulness will mean listening. Sometimes it will mean overlooking an offense. And sometimes it will mean recognizing that we have already spoken the truth clearly and another person’s response belongs to God.
That last one may be the hardest.
We can pray before responding, especially when emotions are high. We can ask ourselves whether we are trying to help another person understand or simply trying to win. We can lower our voices instead of raising them. And we can remember that the person standing across from us is not a project to conquer but someone God loves.
Peace does not ask us to become people without convictions. It asks us to become people whose convictions are held securely enough that disagreement does not immediately turn us into adversaries.
A Quiet Strength
After 117 years, perhaps Ethel Caterham has earned the right to offer a little advice about living. Her words are certainly not a complete theology of Christian relationships. But perhaps a bit of wisdom is tucked inside them.
Listen. Don’t assume every disagreement requires an argument.
Know what you believe. And then live accordingly.
For Christians, however, there is something more. Our security is not ultimately found in a calm temperament, a determination to avoid stress, or even confidence in our own convictions. Our security rests in the One who sits on the throne.
God is in heaven. The earth is His footstool. His truth remains true whether it is applauded, ignored, or rejected. And His Kingdom does not depend upon our ability to overpower those who disagree with us.
That frees us to be both courageous and gentle. We can speak when truth needs a voice and remain silent when an argument would accomplish nothing. We can listen respectfully without surrendering what we believe. We can refuse to return anger for anger. And when we have faithfully said what God gives us to say, we can trust Him with what happens next.
Romans 12:18 does not promise that everyone around us will choose peace. It simply gives us our responsibility: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
One hundred seventeen years is an extraordinary life. But however many years God gives us, perhaps this is one way to make them count:
Hold tightly to truth. Hold loosely to the need to win. And leave the outcome securely in God’s hands.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does Romans 12:18 mean by living at peace with everyone?
Romans 12:18 recognizes that peace is not always possible, but Christians are responsible for doing what depends on them to pursue peace without compromising truth.
Should Christians avoid arguments?
Not every disagreement should be avoided. Some truths require Christians to speak clearly, but Scripture calls believers to do so with wisdom, gentleness, humility, and respect.
Does being a peacemaker mean staying silent?
No. Biblical peacemaking is not passivity. Christians can confront wrongdoing and defend truth while refusing to treat the person who disagrees with them as an enemy.
How can Christians disagree without becoming combative?
Christians can listen carefully, examine their motives, speak truth graciously, refuse unnecessary arguments, and trust God with the outcome.
How do I know when to speak and when to stay silent?
Ask whether speaking will faithfully serve truth and love or merely satisfy the desire to win. Prayer, Scripture, wisdom, and humility can help Christians discern the difference.
For Further Reading
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/moisseyev
Originally published October 05, 2026.
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